she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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