so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
