it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
