Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
