my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
