weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
