Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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