Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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