You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
