I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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