Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
