hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
