it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
