Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
