last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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