I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
