dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
