Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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