Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't notice because vodka
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
