Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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