oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
