so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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