i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
vagina is talking i cant
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will pee on everything he values.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
