just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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