I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
