Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
