Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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