Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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