They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
