It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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