Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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