shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
