shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
