How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
