If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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