sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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