She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
