Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My cat gives me a boner
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
