It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
