the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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