Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the day after is always just damage control
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
