i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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