it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
