I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
