all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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