dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
