he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
