Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
