genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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