I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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