I heard we made out
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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