apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
