Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
