thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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